New CockHaven

[Bungle]

I am new and this sounds like my kinda place. If you will kindly give me erections to your village i will gladly join.

[hookavah]

Hi. I don't care if you read this, as you are probably a *chan scumbag. I've been bouncing between new characters this entire summer, learning the game in its basic and even intermediate functions. I wish to join Fresh PenisSanctua-- I mean, New CockHaven, and offer my undying snide remarks and loyalty to this village.

Thanks and yeah bye whatever k

[WarpedWiseMan]

I am not a chan scumbag but we do have several varieties of scumbag in the village.

If you are serious about wanting to join, PM me your in-game names or post them here so I can run them through my intricate web of informants and make sure we aren't going to have to waste time killing some fuckwad that likes to write "lol", "pro", "butthurt" or MEMEs every other minute in chat.

I'd also like to know what kind of jobs/activities you prefer to do. We have a lot of full industry miners and adding another one is not a priority at the moment. We won't tell you what to do or what not to do but we are hoping to add certain jobs over others so that the village is more efficient.

If we deem you worthy of joining our ever expanding Dongpublic, please understand we will hook you up with as much help as we feel is adequate to get by, but for the most part we require self sustaining your own shit, respecting people's properties and if the village has a need you drop that sheep you're buggering and come running.

We do have a community center that everyone contributes to and it is expected that if you are going to take from the community, you are going to give as well.

Also, you probably aren't getting any keys. Ever. Don't fucking bother me about that or opening gates. Learn to use crossroads and your hearth fire or feel free to live in the wastelands outside the village.

[hookavah]

Alright assclown, like I stated before, I've been bouncing around new characters all summer, however, my most frequently played is a hermit living on a river named Shotzy. Mortally wounded, I'm not sure how long he can go on for. The other character I've played as is Ankh, my first character who is undoubtedly dead from starvation.

I would get some sort of enjoyment out of tracking down the troglodytes who murder, steal, and other actions of harassment. I want to be a ranger, pretty much. Aside from that, I think I would be a Carpenter.

[Dickso]

All day long I work in the fields for no pay. But I've heard of a brave new world, where a man is free to work all day in the fields for no pay, but also make dick jokes. That land is New CockHaven, and my dream is to live there.

Also, I'm really new, so I kind of suck, but I do have a grasp of how the game works. I'd like to be, I don't know, a farmer I guess. I like to make wine, and then throw it away because I don't have sand to make glasses out of.

[WarpedWiseMan]

Bump.

Full Industry hearthlings, Miners, Lumberjacks and Foragers. We might want you, but probably not.

If I didn't respond to your PM request to join, thanks for your interest but you were rejected by a vote count of Me to Everyone Else.

[Asshattington]

Ah a PWOTTER, I'll be sure to come raid your fort and draw dongs and such all over your city (Not that you lot already have)

[WarpedWiseMan]

Excellent, we could use an interior decorator. Can you also write 'WONG n' CHEESE 4-EVER' across the front river bank in Pumpkins? Thanks.

[WarpedWiseMan]

Looking for a full nature farmer who wants to help tend bountiful crops to provide ingredients used by over-worked, under-paid cooks who make food stuffs for ingrate villagers who cram their faces until they are overstuffed like Ricki Lake and then wonder out loud "Where's all the community center food?".

We are breaking from our traditional stats don't matter recruitment for this spot. We need your farming to be 100 minimum. We'll hook you up with a crazy quality straw hat to up that significantly. The hat is yours to keep even if we decide to kill you.

You know the process by now. We don't want you even harder.

[swordsmanM]

Why would I seek entrance into this village?