To Those Who Summoned Me

[noaah]

Who is that?

[Sitting_Bill]

Rose, mission accomplished btw - this is from just over a month ago:

I one day wish to be known for my senseless havock caused throughout small villages in the great and glorious Hearthen Realm, .

[noaah]

Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.

[barracuda546]

You joined Narfel, eh?

What is this shit

[Kurundo]

Sorry Barracuda, did not mean to accuse you guys of anything, you simply were one of the villages I know that have members that are with good standing with Roses. I now know she did not join you guys and know where she had been harbored, I had made my best guest and was wrong.

[barracuda546]

I see, I'll go back into my hole now.

[ramones]

Probably qq thread can be closed now.

[noaah]

What qq! xD.

[Nekowulf]

Ok, ya know what, I'm done with this dead end game so why don't I just get this all out. Here's the short version of the crap I witnessed since I joined Namira and Roses as they founded Babylon.

Cast:
Roses- Insecure little girl with an internet crush and the only real combat skills
Namira/kuru/xypher- Insecure little boy with a short temper, no patience, and a drive to flirt with everything that has a pair of pixellated boobs.
Feria- Little teen princess, worst actor of the bunch. Not sure if actually a guy
Sarah Jane- Sneaky lil bugger, can't tell if she was just scouting us for a raid or not
Stan Staninski- Dat's meee
Jezebel- Me partner, does not tolerate drama

Act 1 Scene 1-
Namira: "Wecome to our new village. Our idol isn't up yet and there's still a big hole in the wall, but this abandoned korean village will be great!"
Me: "Awesome, can jezebel and I take this stone house with the crops outside, we're both farmers."
Namira: "Sure, go ahead, we've got plenty of room."
Me: "Cool." *workwork, reorganize, harvest*
Roses: "Has anyone found some milk, I'd like to get some cheese started."
Namira: "WHAT?!? WHY? YOU'RE THE CARPENTER YOU IDIOT, WHY DO YOU WANT TO TAKE ANOTHER JOB AND MAKE CHEESE?!? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT TEARS VILLAGES APART?!?"
Roses: "SCREW YOU, I CAN MAKE CHEESE AND CUT BOARDS IF I WANT!"
Namira: "I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T CHOOSE BETWEEN CHEESE AND BOARDS!"
Roses: "FINE, I'LL JUST MAKE BOARDS. IF I DON'T LEAVE, I TOLD YOU I WOULD IF WE EVER FOUGHT AGAIN!!!"
Namira: "Ok. I wuv ooo"
Roses: "Aww, I wuv oo too"
Jezebel and me: O.o

Act 1 Scene 2- The next day
Namira: "Idol is set, what should we name this place?"
Villager1: " How about *eastern european city*?"
Me: "Ankh-Morpork?"
Villager1: "What about *german river*?"
Villager2: "Lets name it after an egyptian god."
Roses: "No, don't like those."
Me: "Name it after Dionysus then? I'll plant grapes all along the outside wall."
Namira: "Yeah, that'd be cool."
Everyone else: "Sounds good."
Namira: "No, I like one of the previous suggestions."
Me & everyone: "Ok, whatever."
-=20 minutes pass without further comment=-
Namira: "Damnit, if we can't decide in a name then I'll just call it Babylon. There, ya happy now?!?"
Everyone: "Ok. Babylon is fine."
Roses: "And I'm the chieftain!"

Act 1 Scene 3-
Roses: "I'm off to forage."
Namira: "Can you make some boards? We're out of decent coal."
Roses: "SCREW YOU I'LL MAKE MORE WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT."
Namira: "I SHOULD STICK LEECHEN ON YOU AND KILL YOU WITHOUT LEAVING A SCENT!"
Roses: "Boards are made."
Namira: "You're so sexyhot."
Me: "Is there something in the water? I'm going to go build another well..."

Act 1 Scene 4- Enter the princess
Namira: "New recruit today, say hello to Feria."
Me: "Allo"
Ferian: "Hi, I'm cute and weak, shower me in gifts now."
Namira: "Aww, you are so cute... here, have some starter stuff."
Roses: "I don't like her."
Ferian: "Meanymeanymeany! I hate her, she should die."
Roses: "Bite me, I'm taking your sword now. Why do you even have one, you have no combat skills."
Namira: "Girls please, you're both sexyhot."
Roses and Ferian: "Aww..."
Me: "When does the first batch of beer get done Jezebel? I need one..."

Act 1 Scene 5- Enter the spy
Sarah: "Hi, I'm Sarah, long time player new to village. Neat stuff you guys got here, what did you say the weakpoints of your defenses were?"
Namira: "Wow, you're sexyhot too."
Me: "Need a place to stay, I've got an entire top floor empty.
Namira: "YOU MAKING A MOVE ON MY WOMEN!?! I'll cut ya fool!"
Me: "Damn beer better finish soon..."

Act 1 Scene 5- Betrayal!
Villager: "Bye girls."
Roses: "Hah, Nam's really a guy you know."
Namira: "WTF YOU SLUTWHORE?!? THAT WAS THE BEST JOKE IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND! WHY YOU RUIN?!?"
Me: *whisper to jezebel* "Nam was supposed to be a girl?"
Roses: "Screw this, rough enough day already, I'm logging."
Namira: "IF YOU LOG I'LL KILL YOU WHILE YOU'RE HELPLESS!"
Roses: "FINE!" *punch* "How do you like being killed while helpless?"
Namira: "No! Oh please don't kill me, I was only kidding, really!"
Roses: "I'm done with your threats, you die now!"
Namira: *switches to Kuru* "No no please, I'll do anything!"
Roses: "Too late, you die twice."
Ferian: "Don't worry, I'll save all the expensive stuff from your storage Namira! Ooo, always wanted one of these..."
Roses: "You die too."
Ferian: "Noooos! Don't touch my rats, my worry for them makes me seem cuter!"
Me: "Vodka. Next update needs potatos so we can make vodka..." *logs out*

-=Intermission=-
Popcorn: "Well hey there Soda, whacha doin?"
Soda: "Howdy Popcorn. I'm just waiting for a thirsty theater goer to come and buy me."
Popcorn: "Me to! I can't wait for someone to come buy me. Why, at only $10 for a small bucket I'm a tasty and cheap treat!"
Soda: "I'm even cheaper at $7 a can, and so refreshing too!"
Soda and Popcorn: *singing* "Just go back to the lobby. Just go back to the lobby. Just go back to the lobbyyy, and surrender your wallet!"

Act 2 Scene 1: The aftermath
Me: "I'm back, what did I miss?"
Xypher: "Stan, it's me, nam. Roses killed me and Feria the left. You're the only one with lawspeaker, invite Merian and me back to the village."
Me: "Sure."
Xypher: "Thanks. Now I just need to use these pearls so I can afford lawspeaker again and look like a wizard."
Me: "Dude, you just took a massive hit, why not build your skills back up instead of wasting 20k LP on a skill that can wait. I don't want the job but I don't want our authority to plummet because you don't have int/cha."
Xypher: "Why don't I take rage and load you full of leeches."
Me: "WHAT?"
Xypher: "I'm kidding, I don't know if I want to stay, to go live with Roses, or to go hunt her down and kill her in her sleep."
Me: "Great..."
Xypher: -=insert part I'm too lazy to type out, just imagine the Smeagol/Gollum argument from the lord of the rings, but substitute Evil Roses for Hobbitses=-
Sarah Jane: "Roses did WHAT? She's dead!"
Xypher and me: "No Sarah, just let it go, it won't help anything and we have no defense if she decides to post our location on the boards."
Sarah Jane: "Fine... Can I have a crossroads sign please?"
Me: "Sure, why?"
Sarah Jane: "So I can give Pandemonium unrestricted access past our only defenses. I promise it's just to hunt down and murder Roses, we... I mean they'll break the link right after, honest."
Me: "NO! Seriously, just drop this, everyone else is telling you to."
Sarah Jane: "Fiiiine..."

Act 2 Scene 2- The morning after
Jezebel: *whisper* "They killed Roses in her sleep, Sarah Jane called in Pande people."
Me: *whisper* "What? Muddafuk... Why the Drama, why?"
Jezebel: *whisper* "Wanna just leave, I don't want to deal with this."
Me: *whisper* "No, wait, please stay. I'm giving this place the weekend. If it doesn't get better or we get attacked I'm just quitting the game, no point staying with something like this."
Jezebel: *whisper* "Alright."
Roses: *whisper* "Stan, it's me Roses, they killed me in my sleep. Guess I didn't spawn far enough away. Sorry but the village is going to pay if Nam, Sarah, and Ferian stays."
Me: "Oh Bloody Hell, this is exactly what I was fighting to avoid..."
Xypher and Merian: *logs on*
Me: "Oye, Roses wants you dead again for what Sarah did and plans to go through the entire village to get at you."
Xypher: "I'll talk to her."
Roses: *rejoins village for chat*
Xypher: "Things were fine when it was just the two of us, things got too stressful when we invited these other people. Lets go live together again Roses."
Merian: "She killed my rats stan, it made me cry and go pouty face "
Roses: "You've been whispering me Diediedie for the past 10 minutes!"
Merian: "Liarwhore! I never said that, you should die!"
Me: "Dear Odin make the drama stop..."

Act 2 Scene 3- Later that day
Xypher: "Stan I wanna look like a wizard again."
Me: "Have you decided whether to stay or go yet?"
Xypher: "Not yet, I really want to live with Roses again and make things like they used to be. Before all you newbies made it stressful and tore us apart."
Me: "Then you can wait."
Xypher: "Maybe I'll take rage and make you wait, knocked out with leeches killing you. It's just the 3 of us Merian, lets mutiny!"
Me: "Not helping yourself there..."
Merian: "Oh, Xypher is so silly. He doesn't mean it Stan."
Me: "Why am I staying? It doesn't count as losing a game when the rules are borked and the other players are whiny hormonal 13 year olds..."

Act 2 Scene 4- The Pestering
Merian: "Stan, don't exile me as I demand you reinstate my game boyfriend to the position of supreme power while trying to do it as meekly as possible."
Me: "I'm 10 years older than you claim to be, I have a 4 year old daughter and a wife with D-cups, your act fails miserably."
Merian: "You're tearing the village apart, we've sat stagnant for eons! No banners have gone up since you became lawspeaker and I want that personal claim infront of that house removed right now!"
Me: "6 banners waiting for linen and we've got the massive flax field waiting for someone to harvest it. Go get your hands dirty."
Merian: "Nuhuh, I don't see any banner construction signs, and even if I did YOU have the be the one to do every single bit of the banners. And you won't do everything by yourself so you're the one solely responsible for everything bad that's happened to the village ever."
Me: "Tell me again, how old are you?"
Merian: "Old enough to start med school soon."
Me: "Wow, you're gonna rack up the killcount, aintcha?"

Act 2 Scene 5- Finale!
Me: *logs on* "Doo doo doo, tendin mah silkworms..."
Xypher: "Have fun being a wizard."
Me: "What, why?"
Xypher: "You're destroying our village, wasted all the momentum we had going! It's like a ghosttown."
Me: "The momentum stopped because you and roses fought and got people killed. And it's a ghosttown because half our people left because of the fight."
Xypher: "Your fault, and you're clinging to power!"
Me: "I was actually finishing feeding my silkworms and about to go relinquish the position at the idol when you messaged me."
Xypher: "You said it's be another 48 hours lastnight!!!"
Me: "No, I told Mer 48 hours was a cooldown time, and how long after that depended on how calm and mature you acted afterwards. Threatening to kill me twice and constantly demanding the position back nownownownownow worked against you."
Xypher: "You're not a leader, I am!"
Me: "No, a real leader knows it's a bad idea to figure out someone's buttons then start fights by pushing them twice a day. A real leader knows not to threaten to kill the guy who's helping him get back on his feet after losing 3/4 of your skills/stats! A real leader has the patience to wait 10 freakin minutes!"
Xypher: "Roses and I are still friends, and we didn't have any problems before we invited you other people."
Me: "Nice blameshifting there kid. It's kinda cute watching a couple teenagers try to keep a broken friendship alive because of a hormonal crush."
Xypher: "What, your balls just drop and you feel the need to affirm yourself as a man?"
Me: "Nah, I'm just giving up. Game dev is pretty much MIA and kids like you can destroy any work I do with a single tantrum. LS position is relinquished, go ahead and find someone to invite you back."
Me: *logs off and deletes the client*

FIN


And thus concludes the first and only edition of Stan Staninski's Haven Drama Theatre. I do hope you all enjoyed and were enlightened as to the inner workings of this particular bit of Drama.
Thank you.

P.S.: I've already sent the script to hollywood and Uwe Boll has shown interest already in using it for a haven & hearth movie. It'll probably end up as a vampire and faerie love story set in southeast asia in 2150, but the core of the drama should stay untouched.

[noaah]

Oh god that was beautiful, I couldn't really finish but it was pretty damn awesome as far as I got.
Anyways... Your... a dick. Lol, Namira's new character had everyone vote on who would be the better LS of the village and everyone said him, Stan started raging apparently and went, "Fuck this I'm just quitting". (Or so I hear from friends back at the village....)