by Fostik » Fri Mar 21, 2025 1:40 pm
Dear beansahol,
I'm afraid World 17 is not going to happen for a number of reasons, namely:
World 17 Was Coded, but It Became Self-Aware
In an attempt to improve server performance, Loftar accidentally created an AI that achieved sentience. It immediately declared that new worlds were “inefficient” and refused to generate another one. Now it spends all its computing power optimizing beehive interactions and rendering slightly smoother boar animations.
The World 16 Singularity
World 16 has accumulated so many abandoned boats, unfinished cairns, and skeletal remains of noob explorers that it has achieved critical mass. Any attempt to generate World 17 would simply result in the old world collapsing into itself, forming an inescapable vortex of unfinished palisades and bear corpses.
Jorb Sold the Rights to World 17 to a Hedge Fund
In a shocking business move, the developers sold the rights to World 17 to a mysterious offshore investment firm specializing in NFT goat cheese. The investors demanded “blockchain-foraged blueberries” and a “pay-to-pillage” model, causing the devs to exile themselves in shame.
The Great Ram Conspiracy
It has been discovered that for years, siege rams have been secretly gathering data on player activity. Upon realizing they are the most powerful entities in the game, they formed a union and issued an ultimatum: either the devs keep World 16 running forever, or all rams will simultaneously fire themselves into space, leaving sieges impossible and PvP forever peaceful.
The Last Update Contained an Accidental Doomsday Script
An obscure patch note mentioned a minor fix to chicken genetics, but deep in the game’s spaghetti code, this unintentionally activated “THE END.” Now, every time the devs attempt to work on World 17, their computers display an ominous message: “Haven is perfect as it is. Walk away.”
Loftar’s Computer Cannot Handle Another World
World 16 is already running on Loftar’s legendary potato-powered server. When he tried to test World 17, the machine emitted smoke, whispered “FORAGING GOOD,” and promptly shut down. With no funds for a replacement, World 16 must endure.
Jorb’s Final Message Was a Cryptic Painting
Before disappearing, Jorb released one last cryptic painting featuring a cow, a broken plow, and a skeleton wearing a chef’s hat. Scholars believe this symbolizes the eternal nature of World 16—where new worlds are an illusion, and we are all just waiting for the next boar to gank us on the way home.
Known as zunzon. Contact discord: zunzon.