The Daily Prophet, edition 21422The Mysterious Case of the Missing Meat-Grinder
It was a bright wizard morning, like any other. Onepledore walked out of the grand-wizard's tower to greet the sun as he always does. However, something was amiss. Onepledore could sense something was out of place. He glanced over the area when he saw it: the high q meat-grinder that was made yesterday was gone. He unleashed a loud "REEEEEEEEEEEEEE" and vowed to find the meat-grinder.
Onepledore begins his searchOnepledore decided his best bet was to ask his fellow wizard's if they might have any idea where the meat-grinder went. He approached Arvin Karkaroff, the Magician of Feminine Equality, who was busy writing his latest book on the importance of feminine intuition and the dangers of masculine testosterone-driven actions. Onepledore asked if Arvin knew anything of the missing meat-grinder. Arvin responded that the meat-grinder is a symbol of masculine dominated society. Arvin explains the meat grinder claims that women are bags of meat, and that they are useless when compared to a compact sausage that represents a male. As such, Arvin explains he would never use a meat-grinder and has no idea where it would be.
Onepledore was walking through the wizard courtyard when he noticed Mikhelele Longbottom, the Meme Mage. Onepledore greeted Mikhelele with a hearty "SOAAA" which Mikhelele reciprocated quickly. Onepledore asked Mikhelele if he knew where the meat-grinder might be to which Mikhelele responded "I don't even play this shit game xd"
Onepledore then continued his search through the Wizard's Guard-Tower. He noticed Cayur Weasley sharpening his wand in the corner. Onepledore approached Weasley and asked him if he knew anything about the missing meat-grinder. Weasley answered "I believe that there have been recent sightings of kush-aliens who are invading earth. It might be possible that they took the meat-grinder."
Onepledore thought to himself, "but what would kush-aliens want with a meat-grinder?"
Onepledore shook the thought of kush aliens out of his head. He knew they were all trapped in kush comas, they couldn't have stolen the meat-grinder. Onepledore saw Skreti Shacklebolt and walked up to him. Onepledore asked if Skreti might have misplaced the meat-grinder to which he responded "I am too busy being a wage-cuck to do anything such as steal the meat-grinder." Onepledore asked if Skreti would use his animal senses to help him find the meat-grinder. Skreti solemnly nodded and sniffed a waft of air. Immediately he assumed the stance of rat and started crawling. Onepledore followed where his animal companion led him.
Eventually the duo crossed the path of Rawrzi Rawrlepuff. Onepledore asked him about the meat-grinder to which Rawrzi responded "oh I gave a meat-grinder to some random grill out in the wilderness. She called me a white-knight but I told her that I'm just an Arch-Wizard, not a Grand White-Wizard xd"
Onepledore was seething. His greatest meat-grinder was out in the wilderness with female hands touching it. This would not stand. Onepledore shouted out "YOU FUCKING CUCK" and began his race towards his prized meat-grinder.
by Onep » Fri Apr 01, 2016 8:19 pm 
