Thank you for taking the time to write that, I think you make several valid points. I will try to address your complaints.
1) Lack of metalProblem: Several important steps in the economical development of a settlement require metal. Notably Chests, Meatgrinders, Pick Axes, Cellars. Apart from cutting off certain necessities, the lack of metal also prevents the new player from at all acquiring some of the more interesting gear. Scythes, metal cauldron, metal saw, etc.
Analysis: The "trickle-down" effect of most real economies is somewhat lacklustre, as new players, unlike humans in a real society, are not immediately a part of a broader social context from which trickle-down can happen. Getting into such a context is fairly simple (Get on IRC), but this is an operation that requires several extra steps beyond firing up the client and having a fun time. Despite the implementation of vending stalls, trades still have a hard time "connecting", as one of the more interesting and, probably, common trade scenarios -- that of a newb buying metal in exchange for simple farm produce in bulk -- cannot be carried out via the vending stall interface, as it depends on coinage. Many MMOs (notably WoW) handle the issue of trade connectivity via global auction houses, something that we have been, and are, reluctant to implement. Another factor contributing to the problems of the metal market is the general lack of ersatz. While we have taken steps to reduce the critical importance of metal, there are still stumbling blocks that are hard to get around.
Solution: Increase trade connectivity. Implement bog ore -- small amounts of iron ore can be hoisted out of bogs. Consider panning for gold and silver. (In all cases, gain should be significantly lower than from mines). The great advantage of these latter steps are that -- even if they were to require a significant amount of work -- it would make it at least possible to solo play the game, something that I myself could appreciate. Another advantage is that industries like that also make it possible for us to increase reliance on metal in crafting recipes.
2) GriefingProblem: Even if the new player does manage to get himself somewhat established, he stands to lose significant parts of his investment in time and effort to "griefing" (defined as the act of spoiling another player's game experience without other personal gain than sheer shadenfreude).
Analysis: The distinction between griefing and some other, more legitimate, form of PvP is probably somewhat illusory. For the offended player, the motives of the offending player should scarcely matter beyond, perhaps, the discomfort experienced by the offended player upon realizing that he has been insulted as well as injured. In approaching the problem we should, instead, consider it a general implementational problem pertaining to PvP in general, rather than to specific forms of it. However, we can also identify that the type of PvP encounter that is almost always referred to as "griefing" is that of Player versus Settlement (Or PvS), the type of encounter where the attacking player exploits the absence of the defending player by initiating the encounter at a time when the defending player is, quite simply, logged out. These encounters can be opportune as well as planned ("I happen to stumble upon an unguarded settlement", versus, "I chose a time when I know that Bill will not be logged in). Having thus delimited the problem, it appears before us in much starker contrast than previously. The Settlement in this encounter, which for all intents and purposes could be considered as an extension of the defending player himself -- there is, after all, little material difference between his corporeal form and the things in the game world to which he considers himself the rightful owner, much like in real life -- has no means of defending itself in the section of the time continuum defined by the intrusion into the settlement by the offending player, and his extraction from the same. What the settlement can provide is the potential of a retaliatory strike versus the original offender at a later point in time -- via the scent system -- but it must be stressed here that this is merely a potential that often times goes unrealized. After all, if the offending player has already shown his ability to penetrate the physical barriers of the settlement in order to harm the offended player, the offended player runs the further risk of exposing himself to further injury, should he attempt a retaliatory strike. Furthermore, the retaliatory strike is in itself by no means unproblematic. Scents must be collected and sorted. A forensic investigation of some complexity must be undertaken. A tracking effort must follow. The offending player's own settlement must be penetrated, etc., etc.
In short: In the timeframe defined by the intrusion into a settlement by the offending player, and his extraction from the settlement, the defending player has no means of causing the attacker any sort of harm. Any retaliatory harm the defending player can cause to the offending player has to be initiated by him at a later date, is difficult (Much more so than the original intrusion was, as it subsumes the whole complexity of tracking) and also highly risky (As it exposes the original defender to the risk of further retaliation).
Further analyzing the problem in the economic dimension of it, the amount of resources required to protect an area (Walls, claims) is vastly higher, scaling with the areal of the protected area, than the amount of resources required to penetrate a settlement (A few K grinded LP and BBBs, not scaled by anything).
Solution: Claims, per some mechanic, bite back. Please note that this does not attempt to solve the power-curve problems that the game, admittedly, also suffers from.
3) CommunityProblem: People are mean.
Analysis: The player uttering a statment like that does speak a psychological truth. It might also be the case that the dynamics of H&H attracts a speficic strata of particularly mean people, but I'm not sure I agree with the general statement. My experience is that most players -- even from the groups professing an interest in PvP -- are generally sociable people who can to one extent or another be reasoned with. There is a fair amount of machismo floating about the forums, which can be lamented, but the players who do use harsh language from time to time -- I'm looking at you, Jackard -- often speak from a fair amount of experience with the game. I have no intention of trying to censor the debate on the forums.
Solution: Don't let them get to you. (Or, more in vein of the stated problem: Get over it

).
In addition to that, you bring up the general problems of starting location and power-curve failure. We are aware of both and are considering solutions.