IRL Deaths / Darwin Awards

[iGetHyphy]

Don't know if anyone else is interested / up to this

Call me what you want, but I find humour in everything.
Hopefully some others feel the same.

NOTE: This thread is not intended for any ideas or irl purposes.

Here goes..


"Every year, the U.S. F.B.I. is asked to investigate over 36,000 serious crimes including murder & homicide cases. "Top 20 Homicides of the Year". Top 20 are as follows:

20. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, was killed by his wife, armed with a 20 inch long vibrator. Mrs. Mijtus had had enough of her husband's strange sex practices and one pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused severe bleeding.

19. Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day but, crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party, her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.

18. Peter Stone, 42 years old, was murdered by his eight year old daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should, and she promptly inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her father's coffee as he prepared dinner. The victim took one sip and promptly collapsed (Samantha Stone was given a suspended sentence as the judge
felt she didn't realize what she was doing, until she tried to poison her mother using the same method one month later).

17. David Danil, 17 years old, was killed by his girlfriend Charla after he attempted to "have his way with her". His unwelcome advances were met with a prompt kick in the chest and then four shots from a doubled barreled shot gun Charla's father had given to her an hour before the date started, just in case.

16. Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing to pay his rent for eight years (yes, eight years). Landlord Kirk Weston clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realized just how long it had been since Mr. Halos paid his rent.

15. Mary-Lee Cooper, 11 years old, was killed by her one year old sister who climbed on top of her while she was sleeping, suffocating her.

14. Megan Fri, 44 years old, was killed by 14 state troopers after she wandered onto a live firing, fake town simulation. Seeing the troopers all walking slow down the street, Megan jumped out in front of them and yelled, "Boo!" The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target, fired 67 shots between them, over 40 of them hitting their target. "She just looked like a very real looking target," one of the troopers stated in his report.

13. Fiona Given, 17 years old, was killed by a hit man hired by her ex-boyfriend after she broke off their relationship. The hit man was promised to be paid $500,000 for the task. The hit man killed the boyfriend after he found out that a 16 year old high school student, whose father was in jail for rape and whose mother worked as an ironing lady, didn't have access to $500,000.

12. Louis Zaragoza, 68 years old, was killed as he prepared to drive to work. His wife, Lee Zaragoza, had been plotting to kill him for over a year, and had cut the brakes on his car four times previously. On this attempt, Lee was just about to cut the brakes again when Louis snuck up behind her. He grabbed her and spun her around. As he did, she lost her footing and stumbled into him, stabbing him in the lower ventricle of the heart, killing him instantly.

11. Mahmood Foli, 22 years old, was killed by an unknown member of the Russian Mafia after he accidentally took away the gangster's drink too soon at the nightclub he worked in. The gangster was so upset that he forced the waiter to drink over 27 liters of Coca Cola (the drink he had taken away) until Mahmood drowned.

10. Julia Smeeth, 20 years old, was killed by her brother Michael because she talked on the phone too long. Michael clubbed his sister to death with a cordless phone, then stabbed her several times with the broken aerial.

9. Helena Simms, wife of the famous American Nuclear Scientist Harold Simms, was killed by her husband after she had an affair with the neighbor. Over a period of three months, Harold substituted Helena's eye shadow with a uranium composite that was highly radioactive, until she died of radiation poisoning. Although she suffered many
symptoms, including total hair loss, skin welts, blindness, extreme nausea and even had an ear lobe drop off, the victim never attended a doctor's surgery or hospital for a check up.

8. Military Sergeant John Joe Winter killed his "two timing wife" by loading her car with Trintynitrate explosive (similar to C4). The Ford Taurus she was driving was filled with 750 kilograms of explosive, forming a force twice as powerful as the Oklahoma Bombing. The explosion was witnessed by several persons, some up to 14 kilometers away. No trace of the car or the victim were ever found, only a 55 meter deep crater and 500 meters of missing road.

7. Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbor in the early hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbor, Falt Hame, for years had a mounted F6 phantom jet engine in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine, aimed at a empty block at the back of his property. Patty Winter would constantly complain to the local sheriff's officers about the noise and the potential risk of fire. Mr. Hame was served with a notice to remove the engine immediately. Not liking this, he invited Miss Winter over "for a cup of coffee and a chat" about the whole situation. What Winter didn't know was that he had changed the position of the engine. As she walked into the yard, he activated it, hitting her with a blast of 5000 degrees, killing her
instantly, and forever burning her outline into the driveway.

6. Michael Lewis, angry at his gay boyfriend, used the movie 'Die Hard With a Vengeance' as his inspiration. He drugged his boyfriend, Tony Berry, into an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in a double sided white board that read "Death to all niggers!" on one side and "God love the K.K.K." on the other. Lewis then drove the victim to downtown Harlem and dropped him off. Two minutes later Berry was deceased.

5. Jay Newton was killed after a co-worker at Sea World in Florida dropped a 20 ton killer whale on him. The whale had been hoisted out of his tank by a Master Tonne Crane, when the victim swam underneath to inspect the harness. His colleague, Brian Hartley, released the whale, crushing the victim instantly (and emptying a quarter of the water from the pool).

4. Carl Densinter, 34 years old, was killed by a fellow worker trying to prove a point. The worker, San Amote Pet, disconnected the internal landing gear settings on a Boeing 747 test plane (the plane's gear automatically retracts after take off). But come landing time, the landing gear wouldn't

3. Mary Dridely, Joseph Coles and Haven Gillies were killed as they walked past a New York apartment building. David Smee, aged 7, and his 6 year old sister were left alone in their 27th floor hotel room by their parents as they went to the hotel's gaming room. Bored, the kids though it would be fun to try to squish the "ant looking things on the foot path below" (people). They started by throwing fruit, then quickly graduated to chairs, televisions, even the drawers from the bedroom dresser.

2. Conrad Middleton, 26 years old, was killed by his twin brother Brian after a disagreement over who should take the family home after their parents passed away. Conrad had a nasal problem and had no sense of smell. After the argument, Brian stormed out of the house, then snuck back later, and turned on the three gas taps in the house, filling it with gas. He then left out a box of cigars, a lighter and a note saying, "Sorry for the spree, have a puff on me. Brian."
Conrad promptly lit a cigar, destroying the house and himself in the process.

1. Gail Queens, 23 years old, was killed by her zoo keeper boyfriend He 'invited her' to the zoo to see the lions feeding, and at feeding time led her into a room that had a large slide away panel. He explained to her that it was a large glass viewing window to watch the lions devour their prey. He 'ducked out for a quick smoke' and locked her in the room. Suddenly the slide away panel opened to reveal many people staring at her. She was just about to yell and tell them that they were on the wrong side of the glass when she realized that it was her on the wrong side. Another panel opened and three hungry lions were let into the pen. Gail survived for two days in hospital before dying of massive internal injuries. "

[windmaker]

Reported
despedite de tu cuenta lince ( is a spanish joke sorry :'( )
> english antiban

[LadyV]

Allow the dead to rest in peace.

[jtpitner]

Why Reported.?

[Saxony4]

8. Military Sergeant John Joe Winter killed his "two timing wife" by loading her car with Trintynitrate explosive (similar to C4). The Ford Taurus she was driving was filled with 750 kilograms of explosive, forming a force twice as powerful as the Oklahoma Bombing. The explosion was witnessed by several persons, some up to 14 kilometers away. No trace of the car or the victim were ever found, only a 55 meter deep crater and 500 meters of missing road.

Impressive

OP soon to be added to the list
also windmaker

[McWafflez]

OP can't even figure out the definition of Darwin Award.

[TeckXKnight]

These are just murders. Most of them horrifically tragic if true. The Darwin Awards are for people who have killed themselves through their own gross negligence and incompetence.

[keiku]

Are these stories true?

...
9. Helena Simms, wife of the famous American Nuclear Scientist Harold Simms,
...

I cannot find any record of a nuclear scientist named Harold Simms. I'm quite sure an incident like this is enough to put a scientist's name to wikipedia, more so if he was a "famous" nuclear scientist...

[Arcanist]

You mean fake deaths?

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/fbitop20.asp

Claim: List reproduces the FBI's "Top 20 Homicides of the Year".

Status: False.

Example: [Collected on the Internet, 2000]

[jordancoles]

Reported

You're fucking retarded