Haven and Hearth Rap Battle

[Mopstar]

It's heavy but I'm stronger than Blaze of old

No one was stronger

[Projeear]

Boy, Take a seat and sit y'ass down,
Let me scalp you and make myself a crown,
Have you not seen me when the sun goes down?

Creepin' through the woodlands from AD to Oddi,
Shootin' and a'rapin' every-fuckin'-body.
What's that? He's only just this second browsed in?
I'll knock him off his feet and steal his linen trousers.

Oh shit, a horde of boar attacking that poor whore,
Maybe I should go over and help? Nah, take her to the floor.
I'mma laughin' an' gigglin' as they rip her to shreds,
Then I take the corpse home and place it in my bed...

As I crawl up beside her and take off my leather,
I'm about to hop ontop when I receive a letter;
"Dude, we're being sieged, apparently you killed someone,
And now they want to see you hung at dawn!"

With a sigh I pull 'em back on and jump out the door,
Grabbing my bow and my fucking soldier sword,
I run for the brick gate that I built on my own,
I look over the wall to see i'm fighting pawns!

"Are you shitting me?" "Nah, man. I've come for the girl,
revenge will be sweet as I add-your-teeth to my chain of pearl."
Some bulldozer comes running up to the gate
with a hammer the size of Pavarotti's plate.
With just two strikes he knocks it down,
and the bitches came flooding, into MY TOWN?

With a slash and a gash, a hundred noob's brave,
But my bar was running low, so I ran to my cave;
The escape route! aha! I know! I'll slip out to the trent,
Then come back tomorrow and track their scent.

As I made my way with my super night vision,
I blinked and I span, as I saw an apparition!
Down in the depths, three floors down,
Stood the murdering alt of the offenders in my town!
"Revenge I demanded on my dummy alt,
expecting you to run down here on your own; your fault!
Now just cause a cave-in and save me the trouble,
Because, bitch, your murdering ass is going to be my bauble."

I looked left, then back to the right,
He had planned this well, he had me tight.
Considering he had only a half hour
he had made quick his plan in power.

I threw down my sword and challenging him to a duel,
With just unarmed, to death or till we joined the fossil fuels.
He laughed and aimed, and shot me dead,
I cried, for in World 4, at least I restarted with bread.

[Projeear]

Man I can't believe this shit,
We've been working all night, and this is it?
We mine through the day and all through the night,
We even dug down and faced a troll's might.

The plan was simple, dig to their mine,
Steal some of their silver and destroy their village shrine.
This was supposed to make me rich beyond my wildest dreams,
and all I've found is this whining bitch and a crate of bream.

Chieftan and lawspeaker, you guys are pretty stupid,
Surely you knew that these guys were new and candid?
They shrugged, "Fuck knows man, We're just a couple o'player,
in this guy's rap which is leadin' no-way-r.
I'm just going to say one more thing to end the pa'graph,
And that's that this just wasted the reader's time," they laughed.

[btaylor]

I did this before it was cool

Potjeh wins now and forever.

[Projeear]

I did this before it was cool

Potjeh wins now and forever.

Oh, That was an entry?

*thinks up a counter*

[Projeear]

I started playing Haven in two-thousand and ten,
Haven and Hearth was in World 3, way back then.
I started on a river with nothing but my wits,
I was just a newbie and nearly shat brix; as I;
hooked my first Sturgeon and threw it away,
Because my pockets were full of fucking Ball Clay.

With my anger in mind and my axe as my tool,
I chopped a tree down; straight into a huge ass pool.
Still pissed and raging I knocked down another,
this time, onto the head of my hearthling brother.

With a scream of discontent, I threw my axe,
It struck on a tree and it threw it right back.
The tree charged at me with a glint in it's eye,
Pretty quickly it gained on me and I began to cry.
I hit the screencap and posted it on ahead,
And some guy called Potjeh told me it was a Dryad.

With an "oh" I re-entered into the world cautiously,
And built myself a house on the riverside, warily.
Me and my guys filled a cupboard with brills,
And on the next day we logged in to find someone stole all my kills!

Terrified, we ran for shelter,
thinking that the thieves would return with fire and murder,
We carted and boated across the land,
and resettled deep within the pine woodland.

And so it was that I called this New London,
and invited strangers from all over to join with abandon.
Fifty newbies and two guys joined and they seemed alright,
Just a week later, New London was alight.

Scathed, I restarted in the wilds near a flat of mud,
And within a heartbeat I settled Deadwood.
"This is a communistic experiment," I said to my friends,
"To see if communism works well in Hearthling hands."

All went well with everybody their chores,
Till a runestone appeared causing us pause.
"You're all going to die unless we receive 30 Glue,
Have it here by tomorrow or you'll know what we do."

Within a twelve hour mark we put up a wall the size of China's,
And russians showed up with swords fashioned for soldiers.
Nearly three hours into negotations,
it turned out we had common relations,
Because two Idiots from across the wetland,
had been stealing from both of us, hand-in-hand.

Together, Deadwood marched upon them with our make-shift weaponry,
To find the theives had been burned to their foundationries.
So, how did Deadwood die? Well, quite simply,
We didn't use an alt to store our key.

I returned in twenty-eleven, to find it a new realm,
Cleansed and raised from the blood-soaked hells,
Barely a month or two later it was restarted
and I cried tears as my character departed.

And this story now comes to modern day,
Where I sit on my chair and all day'n'night I play.
Addictive as it may be, I can't help but play its,
It's the greatest game made since Pajitnov's Tetris.

Oh, by the way, I'll be playing till 2086,
And I'll be killing every one of you little pricks.

[Grog]

I did this before it was cool

Potjeh wins now and forever.

Oh, That was an entry?

*thinks up a counter*

its not only "an" entry, its the best one!

also:

Potjeh wins now and forever.