Haven and Hearth Parody Thread

[Tonkyhonk]

You guys seem to have a knack for writing texts!
I might join in with you someday soon

just join in!

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Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here

So, so you think you can tell
Haven from Hell
Bug-abuse from feature
Can you tell an afk farmer
From a curio botter's fail?
Critique from a derail?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade
Your pearls for an eagle?
Hot clays for fees?
Hot water for a few pennies?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?


Dear devs, how I wish you were here
We're just some lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl
Day after day
Running over the same hearthland
What have we found
The same old bugs
Wish you were here

[ThePilfererOfHearths]

Blind Guardian - This will never end


Once upon a time
No more peeps to slay
Fight me in the circle
Fight me in the end

I am the pants collector
Dressed in epic gear
There are no rules
But only one

There's someone young sister,
Caught at the village
Let's get in contact
He's either yours or mine

CHORUS
I have thought
That this will never end
And things go on
But server won't last
Only the fool in me believes
There is sense in playing it
In distant shores of sand
It's over now

Far out in space
I ride on
No bugs to pester us all
It's not quite how it seems
It's just a dream

I don't believe
In a loftar or jorb
It's just twisted
Further
You do not understand:

Each single death inspires
You come to an end - expire

Rise up my sister
Crossroad to border
Reveal the hearthsecret
Few more souls to burn

CHORUS
I have thought
That this will never end
And things go on
But server won't last
Only the fool in me believes
There is sense in playing it
In distant shores of sand
It's over now

You finally have approached
Still
There is something left to do:
Spar me and prove
Your souls not ripe, yet!
Get melee skill then wait for me
Expect the day when I come by
You're released now
For a while
You may feel
Resurrection
Open your eyes

The vision's bleak
And its color is black
Far beyond
There's a starving
Dying newb

CHORUS
I have thought
That this will never end
And things go on
But server won't last
Only the fool in me believes
There is sense in playing it
In distant shores of sand
It's over now


(My first one, disregard it being bit cheesy though )

[Projeear]

My leap from Parodies from self-made content begins

======================

Projeear: So, I'm floatin down the river Bös in a boat with my bro, eyes on the coast looking for curios, when I get this feeling, a strange one believe me, it starts at my toes and built its way up through me. Before you know it, I hear a voice in my head, Sacre looked at me, I turned to him and said;

Azkanan: How's it going? It's been a while, turn that gasp of horror into a smile, I'm back for now-

Projeear: Holy shit, but how?!

Azkanan: I'm the master of disaster, i've turned villages upside down with less than a two-man town, reined in ten cow without a crease on my brow,

Projeear: Shame it was your own village, you called up war and got yourself Pillaged. Now you're less popular than that asshole Hertz, and as sane as the guy who made love to that cart.

Azkanan: Either way now you're the one they want to hunt, as feverish in colour as your mother's wizard-sleeve cunt.

Projeear: Man, calm down, why are you so aggressive? Take a seat and let's talk to the folk, get the rumours gone and dismissive.

Azkanan: Alright, let's get it started. I had a brain issue in a part of it. Went to the doctors and they called me a fag, said I wasn't dillusional and that I was a hypochondriac. After that, they sent me on my way, they only saw me twice so I didn't have to pay. Never the less it took over two years, not that I could of gotten any worse even after I'd been shedding mourning tears.
After that I came across this game, it seemed pretty cool, I'd never seen another quite the same. After building a village and inviting people in, I was labelled a nazi by my own newbie kin. Okay taxes were a bad idea, that I can admit, but that didn't mean my friend who I was thought so closely knit had to pull out his Sword whilst bored, and cut me down on my own homely porch.
After that I went off the stable, unable to control my own thoughts, my common sense disabled. I did some stupid shit and went off the radar, turned off my net and played with a farming-hermit character.

Projeear: So that's how I was made, a past so gory, an inside coup d'etat and raid, a little bloody story.

Azkanan: But now I re-emerge from the barge of darkness, a whole new puppet for Projeear to possess and position, pose in these stories of mental transgression.

Sacre: You okay there, Projeear? Your eyes haven't been blinking.
Projeear: Sorry man, I was just thinking.

[ThePilfererOfHearths]

My leap from Parodies from self-made content begins

======================

Projeear: So, I'm floatin down the river Bös in a boat with my bro, eyes on the coast looking for curios, when I get this feeling, a strange one believe me, it starts at my toes and built its way up through me. Before you know it, I hear a voice in my head, Sacre looked at me, I turned to him and said;

Azkanan: How's it going? It's been a while, turn that gasp of horror into a smile, I'm back for now-

Projeear: Holy shit, but how?!

Azkanan: I'm the master of disaster, i've turned villages upside down with less than a two-man town, reined in ten cow without a crease on my brow,

Projeear: Shame it was your own village, you called up war and got yourself Pillaged. Now you're less popular than that asshole Hertz, and as sane as the guy who made love to that cart.

Azkanan: Either way now you're the one they want to hunt, as feverish in colour as your mother's wizard-sleeve cunt.

Projeear: Man, calm down, why are you so aggressive? Take a seat and let's talk to the folk, get the rumours gone and dismissive.

Azkanan: Alright, let's get it started. I had a brain issue in a part of it. Went to the doctors and they called me a fag, said I wasn't dillusional and that I was a hypochondriac. After that, they sent me on my way, they only saw me twice so I didn't have to pay. Never the less it took over two years, not that I could of gotten any worse even after I'd been shedding mourning tears.
After that I came across this game, it seemed pretty cool, I'd never seen another quite the same. After building a village and inviting people in, I was labelled a nazi by my own newbie kin. Okay taxes were a bad idea, that I can admit, but that didn't mean my friend who I was thought so closely knit had to pull out his Sword whilst bored, and cut me down on my own homely porch.
After that I went off the stable, unable to control my own thoughts, my common sense disabled. I did some stupid shit and went off the radar, turned off my net and played with a farming-hermit character.

Projeear: So that's how I was made, a past so gory, an inside coup d'etat and raid, a little bloody story.

Azkanan: But now I re-emerge from the barge of darkness, a whole new puppet for Projeear to possess and position, pose in these stories of mental transgression.

Sacre: You okay there, Projeear? Your eyes haven't been blinking.
Projeear: Sorry man, I was just thinking.

Excellent.

[Gauteamus]

Excellent thread!

Samarkand Fair

Are you going to Samarkand Fair?
Toadstool, 'Moss, Boletus and Chant'
Rekin me to one who 'ported there.
She once called herself Chakravant'.

Tell her to make me a Merchant's Robe
Toadstool, 'Moss, Boletus and Chant'
Her Dex is high, her sewing ain't low
She once called herself Chakravant'.

Tell her to make it from quality Silk
Toadstool, 'Moss, Boletus and Chant'
Flax won't do, nor any of that ilk.
She once called herself Chakravant'.

Feed the larvae with Mul' leaves so good
Toadstool, 'Moss, Boletus and Chant'
On tables worthy of raisin and bud.
She once called herself Chakravant'.

Boil them in a cauldron of wrought.
Toadstool, 'Moss, Boletus and Chant'
A nature char in acts and in thought.
She once called herself Chakravant'.

If she tells me she can't, I know I'll reply:
Toadstool, 'Moss, Boletus and Chant'
"Let scents decay, or you'll risk to die!"
She once called herself Chakravant'.

"Use your time to spar, build and sow"
Toadstool, 'Moss, Boletus and Chant'
"I can wait for that one extra row"
She once called herself Chakravant'.

Are you going to Samarkand Fair?
Toadstool, 'Moss, Boletus and Chant'
Rekin me to one who 'ported there.
She once called herself Chakravant'.

[burgingham]

She once called herself Chakravant'.

[Gauteamus]

In before Avu's "damned larper dwarves".
Chakravanti's character in W2 was a ginger girl.

[Projeear]

Projeear: Kill a kid from Russia and claim the fame, call him a monster and pass along the blame.
He started it you can say, say he stole your crate or bashed your palisade but in truth it doesn't really matter, you got to kill him and watch his bloody blood splatter, all over the silver platter of a world that was so clean, but now all you bloodthirsty mother fuckers are just downright obscene. Most days I just want to try and fix the problem, but when I try and talk, the room is louder than a bitch screaming in Gotham.

Azkanan: Now wait a minute bro, last I checked, it was the russians who struck the first blow. They're liars and thieves, murderers and skeeves. Bug-abusing faggots who need bringing to a knee. We tried offering peace, know what they did? Killed a few innocents and then took the fucking piss. The war ain't gonna end, no matter how nice you try to be, the only thing we're gonna see is this war get more ugly.


Burn them bitches like witches and loot the shelves of riches,
Murder their hirders; pretend they were out planning to hurt yuh,
Creep on the speaker when he's out for itsy bitsy spider,
Because in the end it doesn't really matter,
An eye for an eye for an eye, means nobody's off better.


Projeear: Well here's an example, that they're not all that bad, out to get your ass all steel armour clad. Just yesterday my linen crates, missing they went. Saw a couple of guys running off, so I follow their scent. A little while later I arrive at their gates, and right in there I can see my very own precious crates. I shouted at the fellow that I wanted them back, if he didn't he'd be hearing his own bones at crack. They were Russian, I prepared for the worst, then he turns around and says sorry and exiles those two curr.
So take a leaf from my story and drop the racism, there's no need for further bloodshed and OTT nationalism.

Azkanan: Fuck that, sit down and now that it's my turn, I'm going to see that mother Russia fucking burns. If it were down to you, we'd all be dead, for all your peace loving you've got alot to be said. You got alotta nerve too I heard you're a murderer, because you killed those two kids, you're a cold-blooded slaughterer; you're a monster. You're a hypocrite too, a defaced waste of space, wasn't it you who just said not to complain over stolen crates?


Burn them bitches like witches and loot the corpses of riches,
Murder their hirders; pretend they were out planning to hurt yuh,
Creep on the speaker when he's out for itsy bitsy spider,
Because in the end it doesn't really matter,
An eye for an eye for an eye, means everyone's off no better.

[Tonkyhonk]

cool, Gauteamus. yours made it to top 3 of my fav parodies on this thread.
too bad that i only know of Chakravant from his posts in the past...
is Samarkand open on this world?

[sabinati]

projeear take your meds