A short story

[GrandProject]

Bound for The End

He travelled by boat. He looked about him in a thoughtful way, pondering the existence of it all. He looked upon the forest; the thickness of its trees astounded even him, who had lived in the forest since the days of his youth. He looked upon the animals, scattering and hiding as he paddled past. He looked upon many a thing until he saw a cleared thicket beside the river. “This is it.” He thought. This was a campsite left long ago by those he now follows, by those he worships as mortal gods. He paddled to the shore, his bones aching from hours in the small watercraft. Before anything, he searched the area for any sign of the previous occupants. He found a small boulder, inscribed with words of a foreign tongue. Having his previous assumptions confirmed he unpacked his gear, or what was left of it; he had several bags filled with food (most of it now spoiled and now only fit for the many ducks and waterfowl he now passed daily), simple tools (several abandoned due to the weight), and parchments (for which he used to record his journey). He gathered some fallen boughs from around the nearby trees and promptly put together a simple bed, crude but effective. He lit a fire beside him and quickly slipped into the realm of twilight.

The next morning he awoke, greeted by the sound of the lapping water gently swaying the boat which he had moored to a stone the night before. He looked at the coals beside him; seeing them still hot, he skilfully remade the fire and rooted through his bags for something still edible. He ended up eating stale bread and some hot nettle tea for breakfast. He hesitantly repacked his gear, not wanting to spend another day in the boat. “Today is the day,” he thought in his head, and cast off once more, in search of something only known to him, and those he chased.

End of part one.

The previous story fragment was made by me, Chris (A.K.A. GrandProject) and is based off of in game adventure. I may update the following with part two if this part is received well. Please leave criticism, but be constructive and keep in mind I am 15, and have very little previous experience with such stories.

[Zirikana]

That's awesome. Can't wait for the next one.

Don't take this as a mean comment, but i remember something my freshman comp professor taught us about writing. Don't start all your sentences with the same pronoun ("I", "He", etc.). Vary it up a little. Use the old passive voice if you have to and vary the sentence structure more. Especially in a case where you essentially have one actor, it's difficult to stay in the active voice with out falling into the "he did ____. He did ____. then he did ____" rhythm, but it is possible.

Just nitpicking though. Thank god there's at least one 15 year old writer out there who can write well and doesn't need fifty adjectives per sentence to get his point across There's hope for the future yet!

[GrandProject]

Ok, and no, i don't take it as mean; rather, I take it as very useful critisism. Now, about the usage of "He." I was at a loss when trying to come up with a pronoun to replace it in this setting and even considered moving it to a first person format due to the "brain-fart". What pronoun should I replace it with? Keep in mind, I do not plan on giving the character a name because I want to leave the story open, and vague in some context. I olso feel the anonimity of the character helps me relate to him.

[Potjeh]

Some descriptive nouns and cutting it completely out in places, perhaps?

"The man travelled by boat. He looked about in a thoughtful way, pondering the existence of it all. Looking upon the forest; the thickness of it's trees was astounding, even for such a life-long denizen of the forest..."

[GrandProject]

Ah, yes, now i see what you mean. Will do on part two Also, part two should come within like, a day. Hoping the homework load is small tomorrow so i can run around in-game to drum up some ideas. Also, as I haven't seen many other story threads, please feel free to post your own stories in this thread, would be great to get some works in here from various known, and unknown users

[Beast]

Good imagery.

[Thijssnl]

Love this, I think I read it for 10 times or so.
It really fits in with the game perfectly, gives a nice feeling to it.