Lag Lament

[Doll]

Sung to the tune of "The Volga Boatman", the only remotely Russian themed tune I know.

I logged on to play today,
But the lag got in the way.
Map’s not loading…
Map’s not loading…

I’m all really now to go,
But the game is much too slow.
Where’s my clothing…?
Where’s my clothing…?

If this menu just would close,
Then I might get back my clothes.
I’m still waiting…
I’m still waiting…

It’s as bad as it can be.
Now I’ve lost my whole body.
I’m just a shadow!
I’m just a shadow!

What’s the matter with this game?
Let’s find someone we can blame!
Who’s the noobie…?
Who’s the noobie…?

We’ve got Russians new galore.
Hope it doesn’t mean a war!!
Hren more-yove-yah!*
Hren more-yove-yah!

Getting desperately hungry,
Right below an apple tree.
Please start picking…!
Please start picking…!

Now my inventor-or-y
Won’t empty itself for me
Control-clicking….
Isn’t working….

There’s a boar I’d like to bag,
If it wasn’t for this lag.
I’m not moving…
I’m not moving…

I saw that rabbit teleport!
Hunting has become poor sport.
He just vanished…
He just vanished…

I’ve been spotted by a bear.
But we can’t move so I don’t care!
He can’t get me!
He can’t get me!

Did he manage to attack?
Now I’m laid flat on my back!
What just happened…?
What just happened…?

* this is supposed to be Russian for "Drat. I am annoyed." but I do not entirely trust the translation and had to write it phonetically, lacking a Cyrillic keyboard.