Anonymous Diary Thread

[Stefan]

Achtung! This is what we call "litdybr" in Russian... just one more silly thread about my personal philosophical views which perhaps wont be interesting for you at all. Good Morning!

Day Zero

Today i decided to leave the City. To leave completely, being unable and being unwilling to come back. I was preparing for the journey thoughtfuly and I decided to take just nothing..some piece of bread and some fishing rod... As if I need anything more!

Some may inquire about the reason of my flight. Well, it's simple. I surrended. I started the fight, as everyone else did, and I failed to win it. Not like I have seen any successful people... though... nah, I cannot judge them. I dont wanna judge them. I just decided to give up. To downshift. To surrender.

It started several years ago. The fight started. I became smart enough to realise the rules of the Game - realise completely. Ah, we have plenty of games here so i'll try to explain - I mean the main one. The Great Enigma of Our Existance. No-no, this Enigma - it's not the goal... it's rather.... the character generation? When you realise it... you have a choice. To fight, to take the challenge, and to feel with the constant pain... or to surrender. To surrender means to forget that this Enigma exists. Live a casual life, believe in fake Christian God - be happy, after all. Take small challenges and forget about the Greatest Challenge - why would you try to solve something that nobody can solve by default?

It's hard to surrender. It's almost impossible to surrender. The other option is... to fight. Reject happiness - forever. All your life is dedicated to that Enigma. Happiness is a drug. Happiness is addictive. Become happy and you will never be able to resist. You will slow down... you will want to be just happy. You will reject the challenge, then. You will surrender. Oh, that challenge - it will never make you happy! You will be depressed - all your life. You will drink some vodka and have some sex but after that you will remember the challenge - and you will be sad again. Because you have wasted your time on such a useless thing as happiness.

Maybe I just know too well what Communism is. Or, I think it's similar to Bushido. But they just put the wrong challenges - they try to pursue a simple goal. But everyone who is not that busy of being happy or busy serving of one of these fake Gods - they surely see that Enigma, which replaces any gods and any Ideas.

Humans shouldn't be happy. Humans are just monkeys who were not happy about their life and decided to improve. Now we have Humans. We could have some post-human then, in future, maybe. Doesn't matter. I dont give a flying fuck anymore.

I surrended. "Surrender" means to die. Old people say - if you retire - you are surely dead. So they dont want to retire. They dont wanna be dead.

It's curious. Death doesn't matter... it's like... to do drugs. You do them and you are quite happy...but then you are dead - soon enough. No more pain and death afterwards. And there will be no this "eternal" pain - you won't be busy thinking about Enigma anymore. When you surrender - it's just the same. Yes, you feel pain still. You feel the horror. You are afraid. You feel cold and you still get different illnesses all around. But life becomes incredibly simply. This simplicity solves everything. You have no Enigma anymore - and therefore, you are happy. You break the bones - and you feel pain. But you are happy still. Your friend has got killed - and you are in sorrow - but you are happy still. Because life is simple now. Because you allowed yourself to be happy.

You surrendered. You have Lost the Game. But now you are a typical human, and you are happy. You have no goal in your life anymore and you JUST enjoy it. I wonder, is it what Tarn Adams meant when he stated that "Loosing is fun."

I decided to surrender today. So i left the City, and took the fishing rod. I will get killed sooner or later. I wonder what it will be... i wonder what will my death be. This is a sort of a new goal i placed upon myself. Loosing is fun, yeah.

[SherRax]

...So, your girlfriend left you..?

Kidding, 'twas a fun read.

[Stefan]

Nah lol i feel like that pretty often
I guess they call it existentional crisis

When i decided to return to HnH i thought like - i have a lot of work to do in RL(being a student) but i want to relax so much, i wanna be a casual fisherman.... so, hm, ok i have a fisherman character now...i wonder if it would survive here for that long >_>

[SherRax]

Fair play, in a way it's kinda depressing being a hermit, because I had to go away for a week, and quite literally NOTHING had changed in my little farmstead. But hey, lategame's where the parties at.

[cauda_draconis]

Пока Миямото Мусаси модно шинковал в капусту мразей,
ты, пидарас, глазки красил,
реснички тушью,
кудрявый как Пушкин,
поэтишка ебучий.

p.s. sorry guys, that's verses, they cannot be translated.

[tempwad]

they cannot be translated.

challenge accepted

While Miyamoto Musashi fashionable chopped scums to cabbage,
you, fag, painted eyes,
and lashes by mascara,
curly as Pushkin,
fucking poet.

[Stefan]

>поэтишка ебучий.
А то!

challenge accepted

Nah, you lost the rhime.

ps. Cauda, я сегодня сделал деревянную куклу, а чего в этой жизни добился ты, мальчик?
(untranslatable as well)

[pickle]

"Today I made ​​a wooden doll, but what in this life you got, boy?"

It was an interesting letter. I'm not quite sure what to make of it exactly. I don't know much about PMs, Stefan, but if you message me you can come to my spot in HnH. It'll be you and me, a Russkie commie and an American pig-dog vs. the world!! .....I mostly hunt and farm and explore, and will probably die someday soon.

[MightySheep]

You have Lost the Game.

damn

[Stefan]

Mhm. Ok, i'll send the PM.

Day 1
It was kinda fine at first, till I found the first skeleton. Nothing wrong with it. Just some dead bones. Then I found another one...meh...dozens of them. I was heading North for several minutes till I found some sort of a village...rather settlement. It was...ruined...and dead. I examined some buildings and read the stones, and found nothing special in there...though i manages to find some seed and some toys even, but eventually - nothing that special. I settled in a small house just nearby and travelled around a bit more.

Skeletons, skeletons eveywhere. I managed to make a fishing rod eventually but I haven't found any fish yet...though i have plenty of bait and some strings now, so it's not that bad. I'm gonna make a boat i guess. I'll take all the supplies in there and move the hell out of this damned land... or is the rest of the world is just the same? Postapocaliptic ruins... Well, at least I will never be hungry.

I travelled West then and found some Polish village...or what is left from that village. It was not much - there were no houses there. THough I guess it was not a big one.

I found some palisaded hamlet also...empty and unpopulated as well. Rich palisaded land, where no people left.

Now, I feel anxiety. I live in the ruins and there are some people here, I believe, who live nearby, in the same ruined place.... or...or is it possible to find a free land here still?

I saw some sprouts though. Cannot say for sure what it was...hemp..or i believe there was some vine too... planted - just in the middle of nowhere. Someone plowed the land - long ago. And then someone came here recently and planted some crops there... though the land would probably need some additional plowing. It sounds funny a bit. Why would someone need it...or...there - in that claimed house nearby - maybe there lives some old man or some old crippled hag who can barely leave their house and who left it and throw down some seeds and then returned in haste...? So, it means that this place has its own spirits and ghosts and i better not to meet them at night.

Or was it some fellow lad who was just...travelling around. But what for? Some thief who is looking for something in these ruined huts and abandoned palisaded manors?

I found a sign in that Polish village - Ania. Sounds like a female name...but perhaps it could be the village name? I have to look it up at my papers. And make a boat eventually... this ghost-town makes me anxious, and this is not that feeling which i'm long for.