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spawningmink
- Under curfew
- Posts: 2629
- Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2014 7:19 pm
Re: Fiddle faddle and such...
an awesome idea! please please please! continue maybe you can start too add players from the real hnh aswell, that would be...interesting
ChildhoodObossite wrote:I actually lowkey admire Frosty, sometimes he can be a really cool guy
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CheetosPotato
- Posts: 158
- Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2014 2:02 am
Re: Fiddle faddle and such...
Yay!
Edit: Yeah, I'm probably going to fix this about 10 more times. I have no life.
I mostly just fixed misused words, but I clarified a sentence or two and put in stronger words in some places. If you want, I can do this over pm in the future. So excited to see where this goes! \^o^/Phinix wrote:The myth of the legendary ranger... he wanders the forest hunting the scents of the fallen and betrayed.
He has been searching for years for his father's murderer, but no such luck has fallen into his hands in finding that fiend.
This is the story of the ranger... #1: The beginning
A son and a dad playing in a field with a leather ball; this is the setting of the story thus beginning the story of the ranger.
"Dad, can we go hunting tomorrow?" The boy says while throwing the ball.
"If that is what you would like to do tomorrow, I'm all for it" the dad says with a smile, then suddenly stops with a catch and looks off into the forest and starts to head to their house
"Let's go," the dad says with a worried look in his face.
The very next morning they woke up and found a astonishing amount of dead animals everywhere. The boy turns to his father and says with a scared look, "Wha.... what happened?" His father just stands there, looking at the decaying animal corpses with blood all over them and indescribable figures which look to be ripped off other animals and put together.
After a while looking with horror in their eyes, the father decides the best course of action and starts heading back inside.
"We have to move, Jason," and Jason nods in agreement. They start to put their belongings in rucksacks and boats and then they heard the door start to creek open.
"Jason, hide behind that cupboard quick!" While father and son are whispering (I was trying to fix a misplaced modifier, but I'm not sure if this is what you meant) and alert, a shadowy figure steps in, wearing what looked like a blood-soaked sword.
"Who are you!" The father questions with horror in his eyes and what felt like nails in his mouth. The figure steps closer to the father, who could see the wicked smile on the man's face... black cloak, ratty pants, and what looked like a black merchant's robe covered in blood and filth.
The bloody robed swordsman raises his sword chuckling, savoring each moment spent, he lashes his sword at the father instantly cutting his right arm and leg off in one clean sweep.
"You are no longer an interest to me," the blood-soaked robed man snarls with a psychopathic look in his eyes, cutting off the father's head after what felt like hours.
The man leaves with Jason's father's head still dripping with blood. By the leaves of his hiding place behind the cupboards he saw his father mutilated like the animals that were outside.
"Oh... God..." he whimpered, crying over his dead father's corpse.
After a few hours spent crying over his father's death, he leaves with the supplies they originally packed to leave the place together.
End of part 1.
Edit: Yeah, I'm probably going to fix this about 10 more times. I have no life.
Last edited by CheetosPotato on Fri Feb 13, 2015 8:19 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Amanda44
- Posts: 6485
- Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2011 12:13 pm
Re: Fiddle faddle and such...
CheetosPotato wrote:Yay!
I mostly just fixed misused words, but I clarified a sentence or two and put in stronger words in some places. If you want, I can do this over pm in the future. So excited to see where this goes! \^o^/Phinix wrote:The myth of the legendary ranger... he wanders the forest hunting the scents of the fallen and betrayed.
Koru wrote:
It is like in Lord of the Flies, nobody controlls what is going on in the hearthlands, those weaker and with conscience are just fucked.
Avatar made by Jordan.
Animal lovers - Show us your pets! - viewtopic.php?f=40&t=44444#p577254
It is like in Lord of the Flies, nobody controlls what is going on in the hearthlands, those weaker and with conscience are just fucked.
Avatar made by Jordan.
Animal lovers - Show us your pets! - viewtopic.php?f=40&t=44444#p577254
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CheetosPotato
- Posts: 158
- Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2014 2:02 am
Re: Fiddle faddle and such...
Did I get something wrong? Sorry, I couldn't tell 100% what the meaning was all the time.
Edit: I just realized I skipped over most of the first paragraph. Fixed it.
Edit: I just realized I skipped over most of the first paragraph. Fixed it.
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Phinix
- Posts: 438
- Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 1:43 pm
- Location: UnderGround in a Fox Hole
Re: Fiddle faddle and such...
I may just let you rewrite it and people who want to read the proofread one they can, that way all of us winCheetosPotato wrote:Did I get something wrong? Sorry, I couldn't tell 100% what the meaning was all the time.
Edit: I just realized I skipped over most of the first paragraph. Fixed it.
The Lord of sneaking, the silent steps of paws, fast as a bird, and as smart as a advanced human... this is what a Fox is and what it will always be.
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venatorvenator
- Posts: 1066
- Joined: Fri Mar 07, 2014 5:59 pm
Re: Fiddle faddle and such...
Yeah it's nice to read things like these in this forum. Please keep writing.
Xcom wrote:Most good things last only a short time
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Phinix
- Posts: 438
- Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 1:43 pm
- Location: UnderGround in a Fox Hole
Re: Fiddle faddle and such...
I just noticed the first part of part 2 has weird spacing idk why because it looked normal when I wrote it... it made the end of the boat part look like I pressed enter and same with the other part... I also don't know how this may effect my writing in the next chapters so...yeah, thems the ropes.
Edit: thanks for all the great feedback I didn't really expect this many people to like my writing... thanks for making a novice writer happy
Edit: thanks for all the great feedback I didn't really expect this many people to like my writing... thanks for making a novice writer happy
The Lord of sneaking, the silent steps of paws, fast as a bird, and as smart as a advanced human... this is what a Fox is and what it will always be.
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Phinix
- Posts: 438
- Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 1:43 pm
- Location: UnderGround in a Fox Hole
Re: Fiddle faddle and such...
New chapter added if anyone is interested in where it's going. Enjoy 
The Lord of sneaking, the silent steps of paws, fast as a bird, and as smart as a advanced human... this is what a Fox is and what it will always be.
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RustyBuckitt
- Posts: 463
- Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 4:09 am
- Location: The "Bud" with "a friend"
Re: Fiddle faddle and such...
It's here that it becomes like any of the stories on fanfiction.net, please man, have someone, ANYONE, proof read this stuff!Phinix wrote:#4: The field of unknown
As he woke up he couldn't believe his eyes, he was still alive but in a place he has never seen before, trees over populating the area and grass every where Jason looks, he starts walking for awhile and finds nothing at all and desires to make camp for tonight.
As he trays to remember his unconscious state of mind all he could remember was being dragged off by someone.
As he lays on the ground wondering what happened and what Jason did to make them so hostile he must of stumbled upon something others where not suppose to know of.
That night he had a hard time sleeping from mostly hunger and knowing hardly anything about what happened as he fell asleep under the stars in the grass.
The very next morning he desires the put the past in the past and start doing things himself, he starts hunting, fishing, and foraging so stuff to cook and improve his camp site and as he made it to a river which felt like ever he found a nice fishing area with lots of fish to catch.
After a few hours he heads back to his camp site to make some new adjustments to the camp to make it a little more like home.
As he fell asleep that night with fish to eat that night he thought that it wasn't so bad that he got dragged off to no where but it still boggled his mind what was going on.
End part 4
Or you can just make a fanfiction.net account and post this story there, guaranteed to get a better audience then this.
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Phinix
- Posts: 438
- Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 1:43 pm
- Location: UnderGround in a Fox Hole
Re: Fiddle faddle and such...
I don't mind the people on here and you are more than welcome to proofread it.RustyBuckitt wrote:It's here that it becomes like any of the stories on fanfiction.net, please man, have someone, ANYONE, proof read this stuff!Phinix wrote:#4: The field of unknown
As he woke up he couldn't believe his eyes, he was still alive but in a place he has never seen before, trees over populating the area and grass every where Jason looks, he starts walking for awhile and finds nothing at all and desires to make camp for tonight.
As he trays to remember his unconscious state of mind all he could remember was being dragged off by someone.
As he lays on the ground wondering what happened and what Jason did to make them so hostile he must of stumbled upon something others where not suppose to know of.
That night he had a hard time sleeping from mostly hunger and knowing hardly anything about what happened as he fell asleep under the stars in the grass.
The very next morning he desires the put the past in the past and start doing things himself, he starts hunting, fishing, and foraging so stuff to cook and improve his camp site and as he made it to a river which felt like ever he found a nice fishing area with lots of fish to catch.
After a few hours he heads back to his camp site to make some new adjustments to the camp to make it a little more like home.
As he fell asleep that night with fish to eat that night he thought that it wasn't so bad that he got dragged off to no where but it still boggled his mind what was going on.
End part 4
Or you can just make a fanfiction.net account and post this story there, guaranteed to get a better audience then this.
The Lord of sneaking, the silent steps of paws, fast as a bird, and as smart as a advanced human... this is what a Fox is and what it will always be.
