Bottleneck invades Xanadu

[KillerofLawyers]

Then gather around hearthlings, for a tale of greed and conflict. Of strife and the dangers of giving in to the blackest desires that lie in the hearts of all men, even the most rightous.

It was many days ago when I set sail with my companion. We were ruffians. Scoundrels, and all around ne'er-do-wells. We departed from our town in boats, and traveled far to the west in search of something that might catch our interest. In some time we crossed a small settlement that had been raided before. The inhabitants were strange men from another country, and they could not speak our language. They had rebuilt, and so I urged my compatriot to strike at them, for we had traveled far, and I needed food that the settlement could provide. However, he noted that our so called leader had made a peace with these strange and alien men, and that we could not attack them. My heart sank, and I suggested that we travel on. All was not despair, for these strange men, who I believe are called Russians, are a dime a dozen, and we would surely cross the paths of more down the river.

Thus, we sailed north, and towards the village of bottleneck. Along the way my friend and ally recounted his tail, of how there had been much peace making, and of the inability of our people to obtain the goods they needed to compete with the other powers. It was a sad and distressing tail that made my heart even heavier. For I knew that one day peace could spread to all of the world, and then men like myself would have no place in this brave new world. In some time we came near what these people refer to as Bottleneck, although it had a different name that I cannot recall. Once more my travel companion recounted a tale of peace. And how we were not allowed to attack these people. So, we walked outside of the village, staring in at the greedy inhabitants as they horded their gold. I knew they had gold, and I knew that we in our village had never managed to get any. It is sad that such a useful material was kept in the hands of a greedy few who refused to trade it at even a reasonable price.

My fellow ruffian must have felt much the same way, for he proclaimed his interest in raiding this place, and taking the gold from them and distributing it to our friends and allies before the people grew too strong. I was inclined to agree, but I knew that such an act would surely mean war. So I wandered far afield, and to the west, leaving my companion behind. I was still hungry, after all, and hoped that I might come across a patch of abandoned crops with which to slake my hunger. I journeyed across a river far from the village proper, and found a large island that contained a number of small, underdeveloped and private settlements. I knew that these people, who lived near by, probably traded with the main villiage, and thus might contain gold. At first I came across a small farm that looked abandoned. It's gates were open wide, and so I invited myself in and partook of the carrots.

I headed north next, and soon crossed other gated settlements, until I came across a home with no walls and a field of flowers before it. It was old, and worn, and I did not expect to find much. However, upon entering I discovered a small key in one of the cupboards, with a cryptic label. 'North' the key said. I thought back to a settlement I had passed before, and recalled that it had a northern gate, facing an elaborate chess set. I quickly headed down and found that indeed, it did fit the gate, and thus granted me entry to half of the settlement. I quickly searched the houses and found many goods, but one in particular made my heart leap for joy. A piece of gold ore. The apple of my eye! Did this place contain a stockpile of the stuff that my people could use!? I quickly went to retrieve my companion, for he was strong and could grant us entry into the other half of the settlement.

We made short work of the walls, and worked on getting what we could find back home. Although we found no gold, we were lucky enough to obtain a few small trinkets made of gold, which would help us greatly. Then, in the middle of this, the owner returned. At first I thought it might be my companion, but then I looked closer. We had been caught! We did the only thing we could. We chased him down and tried to kill him. He tried to talk to me, but I refused to listen. People would say anything to save their skin. He tried to lead us into an ambush in the village, but we managed to kill him, and take from him his best rings. However, his friends arrived, and I was not able to escape. My ally left and I had no choice but to flee by water, with a number of angry and mostly illiterate guardsmen behind me. I lead them on a chase for some time, until my friend could return to aid me. We managed to sink their boats, and eventually escape back home to divide our spoils amongst the two of us.

However, we were tracked, and they soon arrived. I hid behind a boulder, although I did not suspect it would protect me. It was obvious that these people were using foul magics, as evidence by their attempts to disembark from a boat to get into our walls and kill us all. Thankfully, our walls held, and they seemed to leave, except for one man who I believe was trying to lead me into a trap. I think. I must admit the man's grasp of language was lacking, for he talked in an abbreviated way, which I like to refer to as wow speak. He tried to draw me out from behind the walls, but I would not, for I knew it was simply a trick to ambush me. Eventually he too left.

The rest of the story you all know.

[Jackard]

short version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3CpFhtakrA

[Skorm]

wow

[DeadlyPencil]

btw when he said trinkets made from gold, he ment multiple sets of thane rings. and when he said reasonable price, he meant they wanted 1 gold nugget per 5 of their 71q clay. nice story though.

[KillerofLawyers]

btw when he said trinkets made from gold, he ment multiple sets of thane rings. and when he said reasonable price, he meant they wanted 1 gold nugget per 5 of their 71q clay. nice story though.

I don't mean that. I had no idea what the price of gold was. All I knew at the time was that we never got any. I find it hard to believe that if it was that cheep that we wouldn't have any ourselves.

[Jackard]

btw when he said trinkets made from gold, he ment multiple sets of thane rings. and when he said reasonable price, he meant they wanted 1 gold nugget per 5 of their 71q clay. nice story though.

smells like horseshit

[Onionfighter]

btw when he said trinkets made from gold, he ment multiple sets of thane rings. and when he said reasonable price, he meant they wanted 1 gold nugget per 5 of their 71q clay. nice story though.

smells like horseshit

I'll say! Those prices are terrible!

[sabinati]

btw when he said trinkets made from gold, he ment multiple sets of thane rings. and when he said reasonable price, he meant they wanted 1 gold nugget per 5 of their 71q clay. nice story though.

news to me

[DeadlyPencil]

My oppologies jackard, i didn't know you were a goon and had knowledge of our attempted trade. sorry the offer was 1 gold bar for 55 clay. my mistake jackard, that comes out to 5.5 clay per gold. i stand corrected.

[DeadlyPencil]

btw when he said trinkets made from gold, he ment multiple sets of thane rings. and when he said reasonable price, he meant they wanted 1 gold nugget per 5 of their 71q clay. nice story though.

news to me

alot of stuff happening in your village seems to be news to you. lol