The Story of Dart, Son of Lord Ctmon Episode : 1

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The Story of Dart, Son of Lord Ctmon Episode : 1

Postby Ct » Mon Nov 23, 2015 8:30 am

(Before you read,This is a story of my character, and the events that have unfolded for it, but told in a entertaining way, please enjoy, and comment improvements I can make in the future! :D Also please play this while readinghttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKRUPYrAQoE)


In the beginning of the Hearth , among men that were given the breath of life, one man by the name of Ctmon started the world with a passion that lead him to a woman, by the name of Ellyn. He fell in love with this woman, and they had a masculine child. The child was given the name Dart, and became quite fond of his father. The boy would do anything to show his father his abilities, but a drought came upon the land. Ctmon realized that his family was in danger and decided to go on a search for better lands. He gathered all that he could from the barren land,enough barley to make 7 loaves of bread, 20 fish, and a few chickens.He gave it to his wife to keep them alive, and packed small rations of the food for his trip. He left the following day, kissing his wife goodbye, and kneeling down to where his son, looking up with such appreciation, and honor as tears slid down his face. He put his hand on the boy saying,"I will return my son, but I need you to look after mum for me while I'm gone...can you do that for me?" Wiping away tears, the boy shook his head yes, and Ctmon set off on his journey, walking down the trail from their home.

A month after Ctmon's leaving, letters were arriving from roaming merchants of Ctmon's findings, but there came a time when no messages came...Ellyn became sickened with grief , and could only think that something must of happened of her husband. She soon asked of her son that he travel, and follow in the path his father laid out in his letters. Dart felt as if he finally had a chance to prove to his father he was becoming a man...After gathering what dwindling supplies he could, he soon left his mother in hope of finding his father. On the trip to find his father, he came upon many horrid sights,burial grounds and humans that could only be described as savages...but he continued on in hope of finding his father. Dart soon came upon a man by the name of Nomad, Nomad was an ally of his father's. Dart began asking Nomad several questions, however Nomad knew very little of his father's location. Nomad only knew of Ctmon's base, and that there were rumors floating about that Ctmon was murdered. Dart's heart began to feel heavy, and he quickly set upon the directions that Nomad had given him. As Dart went crashing through the woods in hope he was coming close to his father, a sound erupted from the bushes behind him...


A wild boar came crashing out of the bushes, barreling at Dart...Dart began to sprint for a near cliff that he noticed as he was running....the boar was gaining on him coming in close due to Dart being malnourished... Dart reached the cliff, struggling up just as the tusk of the boar ripped through the back of his leather armor....Dart was panting, looking down upon the boar, as he saw a base in the distance.....

Armor less, Dart began walking to the base, and upon arrival he saw three men, inside the walls, in deep conversation.
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The men took notice of Dart immediately, but said nothing...
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They began to ask me question of Dart's father, and told Dart they had dire news
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The one known as Darith(vengeful), soon began to cry, and the leader told me of Ctmon's misfortune
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Dart was beginning to cry, when the leader started stating what worth Ctmon was to them
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Darith(vengeful) soon began tell Dart of his own father's Death
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Darith offered Dart to join them, as the Cheif pulled a cape out of his backpack,saying" This cape belonged to your father" Dart clutched the cape close, and whipped it around to put it on.
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Dart suddenly felt as if his body had become lighter by some amount, and realized he had become faster...thanking the villagers, he told them he shall return after telling his mother of his findings...
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Story continues in episode 2......
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Re: The Story of Dart, Son of Lord Ctmon Episode : 1

Postby Tonkyhonk » Mon Nov 23, 2015 12:26 pm

Ct wrote:(Before you read,This is a story of my character, and the events that have unfolded for it, but told in a entertaining way, please enjoy, and comment improvements I can make in the future! :D

okay,

  • i dont know how this should be in the moot. this seems to be for "inn" to me. (so, basically, one of your char visited a village and the leader gave you a cape... is that it? or, your char died and the murderer somehow gave you the dead char's cape? or...??? any politics at all?)
  • accents on certain words or lines with different size may help you with the style, but its just annoying when you type all in large. please get rid of [size] tag for easier reading.
  • when you are not very good at writing, a made-up story is not very entertaining for others to read. (it isnt very entertaining in general to read made-up stories in this game anyways because we dont come here to read poor quality fictions.) so, try to stick with facts or events you experienced? then it may be at least somewhat worth reading.
  • lrn2crop so we can see the event clearer without enlarging it or trying to look for what is in it.
  • music didnt make any difference nor add anything to the story.

i appreciate your will to try and entertain others but im afraid it failed pretty hard. 1/10.
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Re: The Story of Dart, Son of Lord Ctmon Episode : 1

Postby TeckXKnight » Mon Nov 23, 2015 1:01 pm

Moved to the Inn.
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Re: The Story of Dart, Son of Lord Ctmon Episode : 1

Postby Amanda44 » Mon Nov 23, 2015 1:28 pm

Harsh critique there .... :P

However ..... Yes, the enlarged writing throughout doesn't make it easier to read, I would also prefer the normal size.
I like these kind of stories but it is always more interesting when it more follows your experiences in the hearthlands, it enables us to relate more to what is going on.

I also couldn't see what was being said in the pictures and admit I didn't bother enlarging them to try and see simply because I wasn't engaged enough in the tale, so have missed some part of the story. Pictures are always good for stories here but there are just too many, too close together and too small to properly see.

Overall, I don't think it was terrible, for me it was just as Tonky says in that it felt more fiction and less Haven. I did enjoy the part with the boar however and can certainly relate to that, lol.
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Re: The Story of Dart, Son of Lord Ctmon Episode : 1

Postby stya » Mon Nov 23, 2015 2:20 pm

+1 this burnt my eyes, please use normal text/writing, crop...

Overall this is interesting, you just have to work a bit more on it ;)
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Re: The Story of Dart, Son of Lord Ctmon Episode : 1

Postby Ct » Mon Nov 23, 2015 2:44 pm

I appreciate the criticism Tonky and will work to make the story more realistic. I also now realize how politics are not present in this "episode",but I was thinking of future writings. I am at fault there. The writing size I can fix in future,and will work on cropping things better. This was my first attempt at this sort of thing,and I'm glad the few of you think it has potential!
I will try also try to keep to the facts,however I needed to make a starting point with some back story. I reassure you guys that episode 2 will be more eye pleasing!
Thanks Amanda44 and stya also for your comments! :D
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Re: The Story of Dart, Son of Lord Ctmon Episode : 1

Postby Avu » Mon Nov 23, 2015 2:57 pm

The larp is strong with this one.
"Since all men count themselves righteous, and since
no righteous man raises his hand against the innocent,
a man need only strike another to make him evil."
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Re: The Story of Dart, Son of Lord Ctmon Episode : 1

Postby Tonkyhonk » Mon Nov 23, 2015 3:03 pm

@Ct,
glad to see your attitude of accepting criticism, i will check and see how your episode 2 will turn out with improvements :) good luck.
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Re: The Story of Dart, Son of Lord Ctmon Episode : 1

Postby Ct » Mon Nov 23, 2015 3:29 pm

Avu wrote:The larp is strong with this one.

Indeed it is, and it will only get stronger! :D
@Tonky I'm glad to have people willing to give feedback! :D so thanks! I can't wait to hear what you think of episode 2!
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Re: The Story of Dart, Son of Lord Ctmon Episode : 1

Postby stya » Mon Nov 23, 2015 4:08 pm

If you are as lazy as me you might want to use a tool like "puush" for screenshots, you can select the exact portion of the screen you want to save and it can upload it automatically, then just use an Img anchor to copy the link directly into you post and voilà ! 8-)
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