by Ysh » Thu May 05, 2016 4:29 pm cecelia wrote:Ysh walks through the door after a long day at work. He is carrying a briefcase under his left arm, loose papers trailing behind him.
Camera cuts to the kitchen, where Burinn looks up at the sound of the front door. She appears nervous and hurries to finish dinner before Ysh sees her laziness.
“Woman, here home is the place how I have been now,” Ysh calls from the front room. (Laugh track)
“Alright, male scum, just a moment... Your dinner is almost prepared,” Burinn responds and rolls her eyes. (Laugh track)
“To talk to such a way in me is fie on you.” Ysh comes charging through the hall from the living room to the kitchen and stops abruptly, mere centimeters from Burinn's round face.
“Never again, woman, shall this word of foul to escape thine lip and take entry to the orifice how to which on my ear.” (Laugh track)
Burinn rolls her eyes and sets one hand on a hip. She looks very sassy and confident, but there is true fear within her. Ysh is a bad, bad man. Only she knows this.
“Bebsss, I'm sorry. Look, your goulash is ready. Come eat and receive sustenance to your body which I accept,” Burinn whimpers.
They receive their meals and consume, then have hate filled sex on the table. Dirty dishes shatter and bite into their skin, tomato sauce and blood flow freely. A lemur hops by and looks through the window. He sighs and shrugs. (Laugh track)
+ Burinn lacks personality allowing good self-insert of female Ysh fandom.
+ Good portrayal of my personality.
+ Covers many fetish for watchings appeal.
- English I say in dialog is sounds awkward for me.
- Error in lemur locomotion.
I think good job overall. We can fixing problem with some change easy.
