Just a message after a fucked up situation

[spawningmink]

I know jordan literally HATESSSSS ME but iv been pretty down in the dumps this week, I lost my best friend to suicide last Wednesday. he was the guy I used to talk about everything with, hours and hours on Discord telling each other our issues and he seemed to always know what to say.
I also know most people on here think im a complete asshole/douchbag and im fairly disliked in the haven community but I really want to make it clear no matter how dark times are for you, DO NOT make a choice that would leave everyone else in your life broken and wondering why they wernt there enough to maybe stop it.

if anyone is at the end of their rope and seems like theres nowhere left to turn my inbox is always open and im always up for a chat about anything.

DISCORD; Frosty#0642

[Flyrella]

Idk, of course loud screams during arguments so the police needs to be called is a bit too much. But also, lack of serious arguments might also mean that partners don't really care about each other opinions

[jordancoles]

Idk, of course loud screams during arguments so the police needs to be called is a bit too much. But also, lack of serious arguments might also mean that partners don't really care about each other opinions

More like, we don't differ on opinions enough to seriously argue over them

[Jalpha]

How do you explain the tendency for victims of abuse to consciously and/or subconsciously seek out subsequent abusive relationships in their lives?

[Helio]

How do you explain the tendency for victims of abuse to consciously and/or subconsciously seek out subsequent abusive relationships in their lives?

I think it has to do with how in relationships we look for familiarity more than anything but don't quote me on that.

[jordancoles]

How do you explain the tendency for victims of abuse to consciously and/or subconsciously seek out subsequent abusive relationships in their lives?

I feel like they tend to gravitate towards people with abusive tenancies from the beginning.

Not like they're searching for it, but some people like to be lead around or to have a perceived pack leader in their lives. When they move out of their parent's house they might find a man that seems to know how to run the show, which then turns into a weird and unhealthy power-creep. As the man continues to test the ceiling of his authority he can become more abusive when things don't go his way because it has been reinforced in the past. If they do break it off for good they might miss having someone around to tell them their next moves because that's what they're used to. Of course that's just one possible explanation/scenario and that's definitely not the case for everyone.

It's a cycle I think and social-networks matter. If you are with an asshole that abuses you then the chances are that they/you are friends with other people who are either accepting of the abuse that they're seeing, or they're abusive themselves and have found comradery with other assholes. In adult life you don't really branch out and meet completely new people/social circles that often so there's higher odds of you winding up with another asshole near or in your original social circles. Specially in a rebound situation.

I generalized this post towards men but of course the roles can be reversed where the man is being abused verbally/mentally/physically etc

[Jalpha]

I've seen the results of abuse perpetrated by both sexes and the main difference I've noticed is that women seem better able to recover from that kind of trauma than men. In general.

I also see a pattern where submissive and dominant roles are expressed and mostly this is healthy but it does end up reaching extremes more often than it should. We aren't really very aware of what we actually are as a species yet and how to direct each other toward positive outcomes I think.

I did know a young woman at one time who felt she might be satisfied by a man that could actually control her and who would hit her sometimes. A friend of hers talked her out of it but I see how it could seem novel or exciting and then turns into a difficult situation to escape and then becomes habit.

On the same note i believe some people are conditioned to behave like victims from a very young age.

[Granger]

How do you explain the tendency for victims of abuse to consciously and/or subconsciously seek out subsequent abusive relationships in their lives?

My guess is they have a certain picture in their mind that tells them what kind of mate is attractive to them, so they do the cartman and continue to pick the same type of human they had problems with the last time. Might be a chemical thing that runs them on an unconcious level, leading to their hormones bubbling that loud that they can't hear their inner voice telling them to learn from the last time(s) and flee now...

[shubla]

How do you explain the tendency for victims of abuse to consciously and/or subconsciously seek out subsequent abusive relationships in their lives?

My guess is they have a certain picture in their mind that tells them what kind of mate is attractive to them, so they do the cartman and continue to pick the same type of human they had problems with the last time. Might be a chemical thing that runs them on an unconcious level, leading to their hormones bubbling that loud that they can't hear their inner voice telling them to learn from the last time(s) and flee now...

You could think that you want to avoid certain type of people after having bad experiences with them.-

[Granger]

You could think that you want to avoid certain type of people after having bad experiences with them.-

Oer the years I have witnessed quite a lot people (of both genders) that repeated the exact same cycle (with their individual type of mispick) over and over.
All the time concisely knowing that it is a bad idea, and even why, but it seems like they're wired to act upon certain things they see in someone which make them going completely blind (or ignorant) of what else is there...